There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
