Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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