my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
