dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
