I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
try to milk me bitch
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