She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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