I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
