pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We had to coat check the pizza.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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