Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
