i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
