walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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