I didn't shave. On purpose
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
