If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I checked into jail on foursquare
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
