she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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