dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
