Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
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