1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
