Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
