I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
