Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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