singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
