Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
