At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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