Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
