We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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