Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
