pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
