If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
