watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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