please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
