Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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