I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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