bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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