she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
