Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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