Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
