we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
