I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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