FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just puked most of my soul out..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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