oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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