you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
