I hate all girls vehemently.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
