I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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