Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Quick, to the slutcave!
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
