apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
