TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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