The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
