I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
