You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
