I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
