I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
