There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
