I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
