jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
